Preparing for the role of informal caregivers: a gesture of love to our loved ones and the community
Tomaž, age: 84
Who do you take care of? For how long?
My wife.
Some years when she was still living at home, now she is in the institution.
Tell me a little bit about yourself: how your days unfold, how care work coincides with your other life activities such as work, family and your passions?
My story has two parts, when I was still living at home with my wife and now, when I visit her every day at the Pink Cube nursing home. It was difficult, especially at night, with hygiene and eating. Personally, I have changed my life. I was left to communicate electronically. Since 2022, I have been keeping an intimate diary with a lot of impressions and events, but I don’t want to share that with the public.
What are the main difficulties you encounter?
When she was living at home, the challenge was the constant care of hygiene and nutrition, managing shopping and finances, going for walks, going to the doctors, falls (syncope), general housework (24 hours/day).
Since July 2023, she is now in the dementia department of the “Pink Cube” Nursing Home. I visit her daily and help her with eating. The work is now much easier, but also requires attendance.
How do you try to deal with them?
I visit her every day between 10 AM and 1 PM.
Do you feel discriminated against or prejudiced as a carer?
I don’t know any prejudice. Between husband and wife there is much more ritual compassion.
If so, how do they make you feel?
Nothing special, I can still work professionally and renew contacts. Of course, everything is different.
Is there anything you would like people who are not caregivers to know?
I knew a lot about informal caregiving from my analytical work in NGOs (Federation of Pensioners’ Associations of Slovenia and others). My general guidance when looking forward to the third stage of life (before retirement), consider the scenarios that might concern you, including the health and other conditions of the person who might be informally cared for.
This also concerns the preparation of the accommodation and the adaptation of the home and surroundings for movement and social coexistence.
But all this may come as a surprise – you also have to prepare yourself for informal care, in short, empower yourself to do it. Maybe others -not just “yours”- need help too.